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  • Dekoshu
    Dekoshu closed this thread because:
    I don't want anymore criticism, please. I just want to move on and quietly do the right thing.
    02:43, June 28, 2016

    Dekoshu. I would appreciate if you permanently stop disturbing different threads, so they go off-topic or you fill them with lots of hard to understand monologues that other members do not care about. I understand that you have a mental disability, like myself, but you have to try to not be a bother to other people. Thank you.

    In addition, you have not helped out with any staff tasks for a long time. We may have to remove your position soon.

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    • All right. I'll help out the others. What do you mean permanently stop disturbing different threads? That's really hard to do and stressful. I hope it's not all negative news. Not again! Can I least be told something that's great news for once? I'm already gone through a lot of trauma from the Orlando shooting. I cannot be left behind here and I honestly feel like I have to permanently leave VS Battle from editing again if this is going to keep going in 2016. This is the last straw now.

      Also, that's how I speak. It's "permanently stop doing this and that.", it's tiresome having to just edit and being told I haven't helped for a while. Can I at least have a different comment where you could say "Not all is bad news, Dekoshu. I will sincerely and without the least bit being ungrateful thank you for your efforts, I understand you aren't always available and I have humbly realized that I have no right nor privilege to ask you for anything and everything. I am sorry for bothering you like this. No ifs, ands, or buts. This is a serious message. It was arrogant and unrealistic of me to expect you of everything to be here on time. You can leave from here in your own free will, if you want to leave for good, we will not force you to come back here ever again. We have no right to stop you from leaving and are never entitled to have you back here. I agree that it's going out of control for long enough for you, so you're permanently relived of any random notifications once you stopped."

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    • There won't be a next time. I just want to stop this long-lasting headache now. It's stressful enough to not be able to communicate even on topic in the threads. I can't take it anymore and sorry, but my patience is wearing thin now. I have gone through enough advice and want to do things where I can relax without any "Hellos" or anything else sent to me ever again without being seen as harassment, and not be able to be given advice. I am barely appreciated here while I thanked many others here without expecting anything in return. So, once again, goodbye, sir. I'm going somewhere where I can't be forced to go through with all the drama here whatsoever.

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    • You haven't really been doing much outside of disrupting threads lately, so honestly, there isn't much to appreciate, though you have contributed a lot in the past, which is obviously appreciated (you are a staff member, after all) and has been thanked for in the past. But that's not right now. I understand that you want your work to be appreciated.

      You are a staff member. Ant is a bureaucrat, which puts him at the head of staff. He has the right to tell you what to do. It's not like you have to listen, but doing so isn't really in your best interest if you want to keep your staff position, and responding like you did is frankly just unnecessarily disrespectful and rude. There wasn't any drama here until you made it a big deal, either. If you needed a break, you should have said so, and you would have been supported in that without any issue.

      He's not asking you for much. I understand the difficulty you have in staying on topic in threads, and I understand and relate to the issues caused by the shooting in Orlando, and that's fine, but when you are a staff member who has become regularly disruptive, it becomes a problem. You act as though Ant is asking you to do nothing but edit, but that's not what he's doing. Other content and discussion moderators and administrators regularly do their jobs while also talking comfortably and casually in other threads. You have not only not done your job, but you also constantly disrupt threads with unrelated and hard to understand tangents.

      You responded to Ant's request - which was worded very politely, if bluntly - by passive aggressively insulting him and starting drama. And with all this talk about leaving, you obviously don't want your staff position anymore. Goodbye, Dekoshu.

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    • I cannot be calm all the time and I cannot be happy all the time. I cannot even pretend to be happy. I just want a break from all of this, please. 

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    • Not asking for that.

      Take a break, then.

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    • Thank you. I admit it was unintentionally disrespectful and rude, but at least I'm openly honest about it, and they're my genuine feelings about my current situation. I can't lie about my situation and I can't lie about my emotions freely. Yes, it's true that I unintentionally disrupted threads and say hard to understand tangents. Are you satisfied? I'm not proud of this at all. There's no constantly debating about it and couldn't foresee everything. My lack of knowledge is no excuse for the situation, and I calmed down now. You know what? I don't need to be always thanked back and forced to take every advice from people or feel bad because somebody criticized me. I'm taking a break right now, and rather than get my hopes up, the future would be different if I were more responsible.

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    • But then I realized that this might happen again in the future, and now I'm beyond fed up of being asked to improve over and over again and permanently stop doing this and that just because I'm different and I am a staff member. I neither truly care nor am I curious who misses me or thanks me here anymore, regardless of rank, not because I'm petty, but because I have too many things in my mind to put a priority over, and it's my own safety, my well-being and peace of mind. If I wasn't a staff member anymore and stayed out of people's business here forever, I would've had a drastically better, simpler experience in the future, permanently. I am honestly not worried who misses me here as I have plenty of other people and I had gotten enough appreciation here as it is, because I believe in absolute or notable sufficiency. It's impossible here and it just isn't going to get better in a single day or even a year and I am not looking forward of having a trial and error here again and asked what to do and what not to do anymore. While people appreciated my past efforts, even I know I have to discontinue my activities here eventually, and never planned to be here forever. 

      Too many conversations have been overly complex and I just want to find a plain, simple, irreversible, and permanent solution where there's no second chance of going back to this situation. Neither by accident, nor on purpose. I could willingly and sincerely give up my rights as a staff member and be able to forever relax doing other things, and there is no "or" about it. I just want to be truly happy beyond everything this place can give me, even advice, without a barrage of even the simplest comments here, please. I don't want to go through an endless roller coaster of "Stop doing this, Dekoshu. Stop doing that, Dekoshu." Nothing you say can make me feel better anymore. I rather permanently cut my losses and be left alone, than make another mistake of going off-topic in a thread in a website here again. I'm going to wisely give up and just be grateful for all the great people here that I was even appreciated in the first place, and should ignore any other comments people sent me attempting to get my attention, just because of my former staff member status, for any reason, no matter how sincere people's emotions are. This is reality and I am going to take a break that will do more than compensate my absence here. You can't get everything from me and I could have been in serious physical trouble, with no way of telling others about it.

      I want people to say "You're right, Dekoshu. We'll be short and just say you've done enough here. Somebody else will take over your place and you'll be able to do what you, not us, truly wanted to do all along: To do the right things without constantly being thanked for or harassing you by commenting you of your actions, even for the simplest of reasons, and without tediously being asked to do better next time and you can politely decline them when necessary or wanted to. You're not obligated to do everything. We don't need to miss you, and while you may not be too easy to understand, you're far from generic. You're a human being, not just a tool to be forcefed constant constructive criticism or even advice to. So without any malice, sarcasm, or rudeness, have a great life, Dekoshu."  Who cares about my improved edits, anyway? I don't want to only hear the answers from other people. I want to find the answers myself and choose entirely in my own free will. My life was never purely about being a staff moderator. It was always beyond it, just like everyone else.  I want to focus on bettering myself in an entirely different manner, just cut my losses and move on to something much better where no one here can just call me for any reason and I can be finally free where nobody can make me respond to them here. I don't want to be responsible and threatened of my rank, my stay here, or even my health anymore. Now I'm unsure and just don't feel safe here anymore. I want to hear no more what I should do and just on what I need to do.

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