| “ | Telling the story now, I'm tempted to say something like, "Who would have thought that John would help bring about the end of the world?" I won't say that, though, because most of us who grew up with John thought he would help end the world somehow. | „ |
| ~ David Wong |
Summary
"John" is the pseudonym of Dave's best friend, an extremely reckless man with a penchant for alcohol, drug abuse, women, and general chaos. Unfortunately for him, this ended up getting him and his best friend deep into the world of the supernatural after their exposure to the deadly supernatural drug known only as Soy Sauce.
Powers and Stats
Tier: 10-B, 9-C with standard weaponry, higher with preparation. Varies, up to at least High 8-C, likely higher, with the Furgun
Name: John
Origin: John Dies at the End
Age: 23-25+ years old
Gender: Male
Classification: Human
Powers and Abilities:
Extrasensory Perception (After their exposure to Soy Sauce, John and Dave can perceive the supernatural and that which is normally invisible to other humans,[1] such as ghosts[2]), Purification (Evil spirits such as Shadow Men can be driven from a host by TestaMints[3] or a cross[4]), Limited Resistance to Causality Manipulation (Dave could remember some of the people erased from time by the vortex at the end of the Luxor incident just fine, but others, such as his old friend Todd, are more hazy and distant[5])
Enhanced Senses (Dave could hear a voice from across a police station[6] and make out how many grains of rice are on a plate across a room[7]), Extrasensory Perception (While under the effects of Soy Sauce, John and Dave can perceive supernatural entities and activity that they wouldn't have perceived beforehand[8][9]), Perception Manipulation (As a result of Soy Sauce, John and Dave gained the ability to perceive the supernatural, and while high, Dave's perception of time vastly accelerated[10]), and then some combination of Animal Manipulation (John somehow gained the ability to control fuckroaches during a 2-day long Soy Sauce trip[11]), Astral Projection (Immediately after Soy Sauce is taken, the user usually leaves their body, often even traveling across time and space and influencing past events[10][12]), Clairvoyance (While high on Soy Sauce, Dave was able to intuit information he should've never known otherwise just by investigating someone's face[13][14]), Genius Intelligence (John and Dave built a sophisticated bomb from a number of household ingredients, including Jell-O and playing cards, by analyzing their molecular makeups[15]), Precognition (Analytical Prediction and Divination; While under the effects of Soy Sauce, John was able to accurately guide a future Dave from the past,[16] and Dave was able to accurately predict what a person would say just by investigating their face[13]), Psychometry (On contact, Dave determined the history and origins of a fork[7] and he also experienced a past event as if he were there as it was described to him[17]), Telepathy (A high John was able to telepathically communicate with Dave through a bratwurst and a dog from the past,[18] and Dave said a Soy Sauce high could let someone read minds[19]), Time Stop (John stopped time while on Soy Sauce, seemingly indefinitely, but he couldn't affect or move anything during the time stop that wasn't already on his person[20]), Resistance to Memory / Mind Manipulation (While under the effects of Soy Sauce, John and Dave can see through the fuckroaches' memory rewriting powers[9])
Reality Warping (The Furgun's effects when fired are entirely based on the user's thoughts at the time[21]), Explosion Manipulation (Triggered multiple explosions, the light of one of which was visible from 6 miles away[21][22]), Summoning (Summoned a buffalo,[23] a semitruck to run over said buffalo,[24] and "Velvet Jesus"[25]), Transmutation (Transmuted a car full of people into action figures[26])
Attack Potency: Human level (A more or less average person, physically), Street level with standard weaponry, higher with preparation (While on Soy Sauce, him and Dave were capable of creating a powerful bomb from household ingredients,[15] a portion of which dealt significant but undetailed damage to the Beastiologist compound in Shit Narnia[27]). Varies (The Furgun's effects are dependent on its user's thoughts, varying in accordance with them[21]), up to at least Large Building level (When Dave first fired the Furgun, it caused an explosion that reduced soil to black glass in a 20-meter radius and that was so bright it could be seen from six miles away[21]), likely higher, with the Furgun (The Furgun's final use summoned "Velvet Jesus", who easily annihilated an army of Shadow Men,[25] against which Dave speculated that the sheer force from before would be useless due to the nature of their existence[28]). The Furgun can also ignore conventional durability.[26]
Speed: Average Human, potentially Massively Hypersonic+ perceptions on Soy Sauce (Can read the specifics of a man's expressions from microsecond to microsecond,[13] and during his first proper Soy Sauce high, Dave was able to consider many different courses of action, projecting his consciousness across time as a man reached towards and opened a door[10]).
Lifting Strength: Average Human
Striking Strength: Human level
Durability: Human level
Stamina: About average.
Range: Standard Melee Range, tens of meters with firearms, further with the Furgun.
Standard Equipment: A handgun.
- Optional Equipment: A number of weapons, including a battle-axe, chainsaw, crossbow, flamethrower,[29] improvised bombs,[15] and a shotgun, basic anti-supernatural equipment such as a cross and an iPod or stereo, in addition to more complex equipment;
- The Furgun: An exceptionally powerful weapon of unknown origin, the Furgun has the power to actualize whatever its user is imagining when they pull the trigger.[21] This includes extraordinarily powerful explosions,[21][22] transmutation,[26] the summoning of other entities, such as a charging buffalo[23] or sudden semitruck,[24] or even "Velvet Jesus", an exceptionally powerful being that eradicated an army of Shadow Men.[25] After that final use, however, it blinked out of existence.
- Soy Sauce: A sentient, supernatural drug that gives those who take it the ability to perceive the supernatural, on top of a host of other effects. No Soy Sauce trip is the same, but they often involve astral projection and time travel,[10] clairvoyance and precognition,[13][14] and heightened senses, both physical and supernatural.[7][6][9] Other trips have given the recipient the ability to stop time[20] and control supernatural entities.[11]
- The Shroud of Turin: A t-shirt cannon that's been loaded with what an eBay vendor claimed to be the Shroud of Turin. Despite the dubious claim, it was capable of injuring and driving back a supernatural entity.
- TestaMints: Breath mints with Bible verses printed on them. When a monstrous clone of Molly possessed by a Shadow Man consumed one, it violently exploded.[3]
Intelligence: Average. While well-versed on the supernatural, John is also extremely irresponsible and reckless, often putting less thought into matters of strategy than advisable. By no means is he stupid, however, with him and Dave preparing for their encounters logically and simply, often relying on practical solutions to supernatural beings. On Soy Sauce, his intellect may skyrocket, as shown by his and Dave's preparation for their onslaught on Shit Narnia, which involved the creation of an improvised bomb from household materials that included Jell-O and playing cards,[15] as well as a homemade flamethrower.[29]
Weaknesses: John is an alcoholic drug addict and Soy Sauce's most beneficial effects are temporary, lasting anywhere from a couple of hours to just over two days. Its effects aren't exactly controllable, either. The Furgun only seems to have so many uses before it simply blinks out of existence.
Notable Attacks / Techniques:
- Blowback Sphere: John, Dave, and Amy are protected by what a NON operative referred to as a "blowback sphere", meaning that they are under the protection of a malign supernatural entity that will retaliate to any attempts to harm them or derail its plans with supernatural interference and harm.[30] Even non-lethal attempts to interfere seem to go badly,[31] seemingly out of nowhere and for little logical reason. The exact mechanics are up for debate.
Notable Matchups
Notable Victories:
Notable Losses:
Inconclusive Matches:
References
- ↑ John Dies at the End, pages 78-79
- ↑ John Dies at the End, pages 190-191
- ↑ 3.0 3.1 John Dies at the End, pages 202-203
- ↑ John Dies at the End, pages 242-244
- ↑ John Dies at the End, pages 179-181
- ↑ 6.0 6.1 John Dies at the End, page 70
- ↑ 7.0 7.1 7.2 John Dies at the End, pages 25-26
- ↑ John Dies at the End, page 365
- ↑ 9.0 9.1 9.2 What the Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror, page 209
- ↑ 10.0 10.1 10.2 10.3 John Dies at the End, pages 100-103
- ↑ 11.0 11.1 What the Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror, page 326
- ↑ John Dies at the End, pages 111-113
- ↑ 13.0 13.1 13.2 13.3 John Dies at the End, pages 70-71
- ↑ 14.0 14.1 John Dies at the End, page 73
- ↑ 15.0 15.1 15.2 15.3 John Dies at the End, page 366
- ↑ John Dies at the End, pages 81-82
- ↑ John Dies at the End, page 105
- ↑ John Dies at the End, pages 85-86
- ↑ John Dies at the End, pages 362-363
- ↑ 20.0 20.1 This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, pages 225-227
- ↑ 21.0 21.1 21.2 21.3 21.4 21.5 This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, page 351
- ↑ 22.0 22.1 This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, page 355
- ↑ 23.0 23.1 This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, page 357
- ↑ 24.0 24.1 This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, page 358
- ↑ 25.0 25.1 25.2 This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, pages 389-390
- ↑ 26.0 26.1 26.2 This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, page 352
- ↑ John Dies at the End, page 411
- ↑ This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, pages 388-389
- ↑ 29.0 29.1 This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It, page 91
- ↑ What the Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror, page 160
- ↑ What the Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror, page 162
Discussions
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